January 30, 2026
In our work at Bri’s Lodge, we frequently share with our communities about the importance of normalizing grief as a part of life—and how, in time, grief can coexist with laughter, connection, and joy. We believe no one should grieve alone, and whether that is through our work of offering support groups, workshops or other programs and services, or by encouraging others to walk alongside a grieving friend, it is our mission to support those in our community who have lost a loved one.
But when you do have not an experience of losing of someone close, it can be hard to understand the depth of the emotions of a grieving person. And though you may feel helpless or unsure of what to say or do, your support can be lifegiving to one who is grieving. While there are may be things to not do or say (the internet is full of suggestions of what to avoid!), below is a quick list of simple tips which can help you support your friend or family member.
What can you do?
- Listen
Grieving people don’t expect you to fix their hurt, or to have answers to the pain they are feeling. But having someone to listen as they share their pain, or to simply sit with them is the beautiful gift of presence. Showing up shows you care. That can go a long way in helping a hurting heart to heal.
- Love is action
One way you can show your support is by offering to help with tasks. Instead of saying “let me know if you need anything,” offer specific help such as, “I’m going to the store, you need me to pick anything up for you?” Big tasks can also seem overwhelming to someone who is grieving. By taking action and offering to help with that task, or by forming a group to help with a large task such as raking, or even by arranging to have it done can bring relief to the weary griever. Remember, simpler tasks like mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathroom or bringing a meal can be a tremendous blessing as well.
- Don’t make it about you
Sometimes when we don’t know what to say we try to identify by sharing experiences we’ve had. Making comparisons about having lost a grandparent or pet might not comfort someone who has lost a spouse and now has young kids to raise on their own. Excessively talking or oversharing your own stories may cause a grieving person to feel even more isolated or misunderstood.
- Let them cry
An important aspect of grief is the ability to express deep sadness. Letting your friend cry shows you understand crying is an important part of the grief process. You may want to cheer your friend up or tell them not to cry, but it is an important part of grief and healing.
- Reassure
When given an opportunity, reassure them they will make it through this season. Don’t diminish their pain or grief, rather assure them their emotions are normal, and they will make it through. Remind them grief takes time to process and healing will come.
- Leave room for change
Grief can oftentimes cause change. When an individual or family is working through their grief and processing their loss, they may not engage with the same energy level, or have the capacity to be as giving of their time, or show they care like they used to. Don’t expect someone who is grieving to be who they were before they experienced loss. Your understanding of the changes grief can bring shows your friend compassion and your respect for your relationship.
- It’s okay to say their name
A grieving parent or spouse doesn’t ever forget their loved one is gone so saying their name won’t suddenly remind them and cause them to become emotional. Rather, saying the name of their child or husband, sharing memories and stories of their loved one can be healing.
- Be an encourager
Encourage them to connect with others who have experienced loss who can understand them. Admitting you don’t understand their hurt because you haven’t experienced it yourself, may resonate with your friend. Share there may be other people or even places such as Bri’s Lodge, where others can understand better, and it is safe to open up.
- Be patient
Everyone grieves differently. Understanding that difference gives your friend the space they may need to grieve at their own pace. One doesn’t “get over” grief, instead it is a journey through the process of mourning the loss of their loved one. There is no timeline on grief, and it is not a linear process. It is a raw and difficult struggle, and your patience and ongoing presence can be a lifeline to someone experiencing tragedy or loss.
- Continue to check in
Over time it is common for isolation or loneliness to set in for someone who is grieving. Checking in through texts or a phone call reminds them you have not forgotten and still care about their loss. Social media may not always be the best way to connect, but may serve as a reminder your friend might be struggling. Your continued willingness to “do lunch”, listen, serve and support matters tremendously to a grieving or lonely person.
- Pray
Hearing a friend has lost a loved one can bring a overwhelming sense of needing to do something. At such a time, words can seem shallow– especially knowing we cannot change the fact they must now navigate loss. But if you are a person of faith, praying for your friend for comfort and peace can bring spiritual support. You may also want to share your spiritual beliefs with them, but resist the urge to press upon them your faith unless your friend asks you questions about your beliefs. Sometimes grief can cause a person to become angry with God and they may not want to talk about faith. But if or when they do, listen with compassion, encourage honest wrestling with God, do not judge, and commit to continuing to pray for them as they work through their grief.
By no means is this an exhaustive list of actions, but these simple tips may help you support your friend or loved one as they grieve. If you have questions or need more resources, please feel free to reach out to Bri’s Lodge at https://brislodge.com/contact/
Remember…..”Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
Jose N Harris